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17 February 2012 @ 11:47 pm
I spent too much on gourmet foreign draft beer tonight. There's a local place called the Cheeky Monk - they have DELICIOUS brews imported from over seas. Unfortunately most glasses are $9 a pop - enjoyment is limited. So what do I do? Leave the bar and buy clothes. Good god I need to get laid. But that'll have to wait. /le-sigh
Boyfriend gets back from Afghanistan mid-March now. Today, the 17th was originally his day back home, it's still marked on my calender, but of course that changed. *BLARG*

Self employed now, working from home making costumes all day. Pretty certain at this point I want to move to Florida. We found a house we like... hoping bidding doesn't really get interesting until he's back and we can look at it together.

I always feel like I want to sit down and catalog all the important things I've done - but none of them feel that way because I feel like I'm just waiting for him to get home. San jose CA was a pretty fun time. Fell in love with a bakery down town there....

Yeah that's really it
09 January 2012 @ 09:43 pm
Well shit, before I get into 2012 to0 far I might as well say something about 2011.

2011 started out by being betrayed and abused by some one I thought I loved. Used by some one I thought I could love. Attempting to share my heart with some one whose heart was at capacity. Then rescued by some one I will never stop loving. But this man was stolen away from me, and much of our time together in 2011 was spent in voice and empty hands. Lonely.

I lost some friends in 2011, but they were never friends to begin with.

I also graduated college with my Anthropology Undergrad from Colorado University. I remember sleeping in my car during finals week and using the gym to shower. I was too ashamed to ask friends for help with the drama that kept me from home.
This fall without school has been unnerving and empty. I miss school so much that my heart aches. I want to pursue my masters.

I attended a shit ton of conventions and events. Highlights: San Fran, Wasteland Weekend, Phoenix Comic Con and SDCC. Made a handful of costumes. Yet the event that stands out the most to me during this year is the fact my wallet was stolen. Sucks. But my friends took care of me. Awesome.

I lost my grandmother and a mentor in 2011. I was unable to attend either funerals - not do to money, but other constraints not under my control. I will forever feel guilt.

If I could visualize 2011 accurately, I'd draw it like a roller coaster, and I think for 2012 I would start with a line drawing of myself walking away with a grin. In the end I learned a lot from a bumpy ride, but the ride is just that, temporary. Flat ground ahead.

For 2012 I would like to:
Get to my weight goal. No big surprise here. Being able to run more than a mile would be great.
Spent obnoxious amounts of time with my Sergent when he gets home. I want to lay in bed with him for a week straight. I want to smell his cologne and hear him laugh in person...
Finish at least one costume a month.
Find a new home, a new place to start. Get the hell out of this apartment. Job preferably coming with scenario.
Get the Rainbow Boa my man is so excited to get.
Maybe be self employed for a while.

In 2012 I am:
Going to HAWAII. Holly fucking christ I'm excited. Fucking Hawaii.
Narrowing down convention attendance to the big ones and one or two local affairs. (SDCC, Dragon*Con and Celebration 6)
Going to more music and outdoor festivals. Lightning in a Bottle. 2012.
Cry like a fucking baby when my man gets home, probably in front of people or cameras. I'm going to be a runny nosed red faced slob. And I don't care.
22 November 2011 @ 01:11 pm
Some of my favorites from the most recent vintage inspired photo shoots I participated in.

I want to traverse freely all over that plane again. No fair.
on the radar: karuna - faun
17 November 2011 @ 09:15 pm
I'm such a tool for Halo. Pretty much.
on the radar: Halo CE Remastered
09 November 2011 @ 08:20 pm
Totally loving on Modern Warfare 3 right now.

My boyfran cosplays as Soap.

Attempts to distract myself fail miserably... again*. Kind of laughable!... :c More failed interviews to add to the books. At least I get a three day weekend.

*I promise eventually I'll blog about something other than missing him, but I feel like a wimp if I post it in the more public sectors.
on the radar: violent video games
06 November 2011 @ 07:53 pm
The amount of, or lack of, response from job applications is saddening... I am beginning to see just how tight the job markets are out there... for now I have a decent retail position that makes things survivable, I work hard and get 40 hours a week. I really have nothing to complain about.

Boyfran is insisting to help with loose ends of my finances, but everything I complain that I may "need" is kind of a luxury right now... I have money for rent, car, phone, food, living... But, needless to say, he surprised me, and got me Modern Warfare 3 pre-ordered on Amazon for this upcoming week... amongnst many other random surprises... always surprised ($50 to sephora, a book I've been wanting)...

I love him, so much. I get so worried about his safety, and it's maddening knowing I have no direct line to him... I want the nightmares to be over too. I have no where else to really vent about his absence in my daily life... I keep it all in, although it's the one thing that is always lingering in my consciousness. I think I would go mad if he had a more dangerous MOS or one that took him off base again. He calls his shaking hands "machine gunner hands"... it makes my stomach drop and twist.

Yet - He's deployed thousands of miles away and yet he knows how to make me happy. He's 12 hours apart, but we still have time to plan our costumes, and moving schedule... he's so busy but yet he finds the time to talk just, to talk, to me every day.
November is the month of thanks, hmm? I know what I'm thankful for - the real, true life-long friends and loved ones I have.

Anyways. What the hell did I ever do to these handful of people lately? I interpret this behavior as jealousy, but then... what are they jealous of? Me? What do I do that's so special... I always, and consistently work my ass off to get what I do. My parents raised me to never expect a handout and I dare never accept them.

I've reverted to working, working out, talking to the boyfran on skype, video games and drawing. Attempting to save some money - and some sanity. Local friends are driving me up the wall. Going to give clubbing this Friday with those I still consider awesome in Denver - hoping it will be relaxing and fun - big Steampunk photoshoot on Saturday morning for a magazine...

But in all reality, I just want these 99 days to be up, my babe to be home and to get the hell out of this state and maybe to greener pastures.
Boyfran's close friend is a hiring agent for Disney World... she says she wants my resume and is looking at a "research development" position to interview me for. Dream job anyone?

Must trudge through the swamp to get to the meadow...
on the radar: Mass Effect
01 November 2011 @ 04:05 am
Anthem for Doomed Youth
By Wilfred Owen 1893-1918

What passing-bells for these who die as cattle?
Only the monstrous anger of the guns.
Only the stuttering rifles' rapid rattle
Can patter out their hasty orisons.
No mockeries now for them; no prayers nor bells,
Nor any voice of mourning save the choirs,
The shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells;
And bugles calling for them from sad shires.

What candles may be held to speed them all?
Not in the hands of boys, but in their eyes
Shall shine the holy glimmers of good-byes.
The pallor of girls' brows shall be their pall;
Their flowers the tenderness of patient minds,
And each slow dusk a drawing-down of blinds.
on the radar: awolnation - sail
01 November 2011 @ 03:46 am
I've been slowly reviving some sort of communication with a pencil. I've ignored my monsters for the last 4-5 years or so, I said no to art college. My sketchbooks took years to fill, not weeks.

Anyways, some recent quick sketches I've been uploading to my tumblr (take a photo from my ipad and upload via app.. makes it easy)... monsters and women.. the usual brain children...

Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket
Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket
Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket
on the radar: crystal fighters - xstatic truth
26 October 2011 @ 04:42 am
I just want him home. He works so hard to protect his unit, his boys - I'm proud he puts other before him. But it also scares me. I don't want any more of those phone calls. I want him out of this infuriating conflict. Do good from the state side.

For now I cannot reach out to anything
but my paper and pen.

I wait five months more, when
I can feel your heartbeat again.
24 October 2011 @ 11:11 pm
Another busy weekend. Spent much of my time during the wee mornings at work (I am now scheduled for the weekend shift, not so thrilled) - and with my new photographer friend, Celia during the day. Sleep has been minimal.
There were two photo shoots this weekend - both WWII era pin-up opps. The first shoot we modeled with an authentic, and WORKING, B-17 bomber. She was gorgeous and needless to say I geeked the hell out. (proceeding to squeal as I traversed the inside of the surprisingly cramped plane). Shots outside of the plane (including my balancing on one of the massive wings - not so fun in 3 inch heels), were needlessly difficult thanks to the monstrous wind whipping our delicate '40 dos, and hobble skirted legs all about. A Korea vet and his son asked for a photo with me (they were going for a ride on the bomber). I almost teared up when he (the old boy) looked me up and down and told me his heart just about stopped. Something about the genuine appreciation from a vet of the olden days. Lots of those boys really laid their lives on the line... Makes me think of Grandpa Kranz... Anyways: The second day we shot at the "Wings over the Rockies" museum in South Denver. Lots more girls participated in this shoot, it was lots of fun. Something about closing your eyes and opening them a moment later, feeling utterly immersed in a classic sense of beauty and tradition that is intoxicating.
Both days I went through two wardrobe changes... God I really want to get into period costuming more. I'm hopelessly in love with pre-1950s fashion. Love, trwoo love.

Still on the job hunt for something better. A local College returned a call for an interview for their Admissions department. Wish me luck.
on the radar: When You're Smiling - Louis Armstrong