Log in

18 October 2011 @ 07:48 pm
Things have been in the HAZE this week. Sunday-now. I've flipped my schedule to become nocturnal in the hopes that if I crash when I come home from work every day (sleep occurring: approximately 11am-noon to 5pm-8pm), so that I may be able to retain my social life through my favorite time of the year for parties (HALLOWEEN).

Okay, nice concept. But.

Instead I nap when I get home at noon, and nap before I go into work (nap at noon, nap at midnight). It has created this weirdly long and perpetually endless cycle of darkness and twilight while I'm active, with a little: thoroughly being blinded by the sun when I emerge from the Target backroom warehouse, thrown in - like one long, never ending day.
Dear god I always surprise myself by saying it over and over. But I want an average Joe 9 to 5 job... just for a while. Just a while.

At least this sleeping pattern I'm getting to talk to the boyfriend more. It helps he was able to set up his own satlilite internet connection this week - it's hella faster then the previous service they provided.
Yesterday during a skype call there were thunderous booms in the distance from his tiny bedroom. "Don't worry hun, our artillery is returning fire, someone (a local?) shot a rocket at the base defense." It makes my stomach turn. He's been in two IED vehicle accidents previously - but is now apparently refusing to go on "missions" (missions 99%=convoys for his FOB), thank god. As Sargent of the Guard they keep him behind the walls most of the time... I just want him home. February needs to come sooner.

OFF TO THE GYM, running to combichrist is the only way to run.
on the radar: 16bit -dinosaurs
17 October 2011 @ 10:32 pm
I'm usually not huge on this kind of art form, installations - some of them are silly. Beili Liu: The Mending Project, is not.

on the radar: Gemini - Graduation
16 October 2011 @ 09:14 pm
My days are blending together... is it Sunday? *Checks.* I guess so... Yesterday - I attempted to attend a house party with every intention of going to work the following morning (4am shift start). Well I did and subsequently received two hours of sleep. So I come home after the shift and clock the fuck out - now it's 8:47, dark and quiet and it feels like it should be Monday morning and I should be off to work (???) - but there's an apartment to clean and laundry to do. Switching to day sleeping always gets to me the first day, but retaining this schedule throughout the end of the month, I'll be able to attend Halloween parties/celebrations.

God I hate retail. I want out. I send out resumes, but yet no replies... bah.

So the boyfriend and I essentially made concrete plans to move to Orlando next summer - something needs to change - "I'm in the pursuit of happiness..." I have a local group of friends (all male) who have taken upon themselves to attack me emotionally as of late. It saddens me only because we all used to have so much fun together during our, may I say, wacky adventures... Anyways, this is all on the basis that apparently they do not approve of the way I represent myself on the web, but especially facebook/social networking. Weird that I was having anxiety about that recently, huh. But, I've gotten to the point now that I've excepted their bullying as a means of perhaps jealousy(?) - the wife and close friend to one of these guys lamented to me that "You have never done anything wrong"... to anyone, and I have only been the kind hearted Liz she knows me to be.
In the end, they don't matter - I've pretty much perpetuated that perhaps, in my world, they all disappeared off the face of the planet and I'll cherish the fun times we all shared just the same. I'm tired of drama. Not going to participate. Is human social interaction worth any of this drama. No.

PPS: Florida. Not so much wanting to live in a hot, humid, sea level state - but I crave a new adventure. Houses are hella cheap, my boyfriend has a shit load of money saved from his deployment that he intends on investing on a home. WE both can have our dream workshop, sewing room, entertainment patio, pets a plenty. I'm just so ready for him to get back to the states. Not only do I miss him, my heart aches - I want to start our life together. I want to START.
My ambitions have always been about progressing forward, using my time as efficiently as possible. I'm done with school, but working for Target. I do not feel as if I am the mast of my domain here. This isn't where I want to be. Physically, mentally.

Unsatisfied with my job, friends group - the only thing keeping me in Colorado is it's beauty, but who says I can't visit all the freaking time? Flying in/out of Orlando is super cheap. I want to explore the everglades... the keys. Life is an adventure. Life is an adventure.

Okay, done for now - more on all this later. My tone has appreciated itself into an almost argumentative tone. What the hell am I attempting to convince anyone of? Haha.
on the radar: BT - Forget Me
12 October 2011 @ 02:30 pm
Good god, I look over my blogging and it's so - how you say: boring. My costume/performance/what ever blog (bragging blog) (vanity blog) (blog blog). It doesn't read on an intriguing level. The posts are dry and have face value through overly saturated pictures. BLECK.


Need to work on my writing style again. Drawing is going well though. I feel re-inspired, happy to doodle. My monsters came back to me. It makes me ponder that if or when I may move to Orlando next summer/spring, that I should go back to art school, or finish my Biology degree too. Options, I love how the world is chalk full of ones I cannot choose.


I've been browsing this blog today, I can hear this woman's intelligence and her character, her sense of real voice, sound, in her writing. I love it. Her quirky family adventures/lifestyle intrigues me.



I'm working on my twisted Red Riding Hood costume for this Friday's Deathwish Event. Sewing 90 inches of fabric. Wondering who the hell is going to tie my corset that evening. Watching: Predators, The Black Calderon, Legends of the Guardian, Treasure Planet and Ugly Americans.
on the radar: bass nectar - kick it complex
11 October 2011 @ 07:30 pm

Real life sucks, I want to go back to being immersed in a dark, gritty and creative environment... Spit roasting a goat, sleeping in the shade, busting my ass to put up sturdy desert structures, digging into the top of a car flying 30 mph down a broken down desert road, hookah by the light of the "atomic cafe." Pictures from my camera, my eyes: a fraction of my view of Wasteland Weekend 2011 under the cut. Oh how I miss it.

I want to go back to the wasteland...Collapse )
on the radar: きゃりーぱみゅぱみゅ - PONPONPON
11 October 2011 @ 09:45 am

For what ever reason this song has been one of the most played for me this year - it sounds godly in a club setting - bass bass.
09 October 2011 @ 05:46 pm
I really wish I could work my way past these weird waves of emotional/social anxiety I get when I use social networking sites/services/whatever. I can't help but think that I'm not doing enough to promote my costume or performance status, or that, that very essence of my presence is driving people away. But yet this also fascinates me - just the sociological side of how our concepts of friendship, love, affection, and relationships are being dominated by how we interact little pixels on a screen - from across the world. A "like" represents a 3rd person presence, an acknowledgment of the published record of your consciousness at that given moment.

I miss the days of leaving my childhood home barefoot, knocking at the front door of a few friend's houses, then walking a good half mile to poke crawdads in the stream until the sun went down. Full knowing I should get home before mom puts the dinner on the table.
No cell phone, no facebook - but real networking with face value.

Granted my friends grew up to be different people then me, and I reached out to the web in order to find companions with similar interests - with success, but also this detached emotional anxiety. Our ties together are all so very thin - I think a lot of this roots very literally at the fear of loosing people I appreciate in my life... yada yada yada.

I wish I have the patience to sit down some time soon a hash out these ideas and perspectives on paper - formulate a theory and use my Anthropology... Examine this phenomena, because I know I'm not alone - perhaps a bit sensitive, but not alone in this manner.

P.S. i think I'm going to take a facebook hiatus to calm these stupid feelings. If work hadn't worn me out this morning I'd love to go to the gym and sprint off these stupid lingering, distracting, emotions. I feel constantly occupied, but perhaps I need to be more busy then I already am.
on the radar: Mazzy Star - Into Dust
08 October 2011 @ 09:54 pm
This is why my boyfriend is awesome.

That's his gator over in Afghanistan - fucking Gears cog on it. F-rad.

Just got off video chat with him, slamming a few beers just to get sleep enough, work at 4am tomorrow.

120 day until he comes back to me. /lonely
on the radar: Bare Noize - Can't Help Me
07 October 2011 @ 11:04 am
I realize it's a logistical NIGHTMARE to see the end to this and all, but well knowing and experiencing how much perfectly edible sustenance every American retail establishment throws away ("damaged" or "expired" items) every day is driving me crazy (taking part in assets protection and logistics for a Super Target). To know in the back of my mind through my 4 years of human focused studies that there are so many people on this planet each day dying of starvation while our excess rots in garbage mountains.

Economics, the inherit need for we as animals to horde and prepare for survival - overrule the goodness and compassion in humans, but we all know that.

Maybe I'll talk more about globalism theory here some day.

on the radar: Motorcycle - As the Rush Comes
06 October 2011 @ 06:16 pm
on the radar: komor